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Dear Bachi, I had feelings for a guy, but he was already in a relationship

Dear Bachi,

My problem is not a big one but then it’s that tiny pin that pricks me every other day.  From the beginning I have been to a convent school without any interaction with boys. For my +2 studies I went to a co-ed school. There I met a guy, one of my classmates, sweet, soft-spoken and intelligent.

There was some feeling that I developed for him, something similar to attraction. I was full of smiles when he used to be around me. Even he was good, polite and a gentleman with me. But within a couple of months I got to know or rather heard from people that he is already in a relationship and is quite serious about it. I never tried to know to the entire reality nor did I ever express my feelings to him because I was not able to figure out what my feelings actually mean. Are they real or a mere infatuation?

Even today I miss him, remember him in my good and bad times; sometimes I feel sad or unfortunate for not having him in my life which disturbs me badly. But the dilemma is yet to be sorted.

Were my feelings genuine? Should I casually tell him about feeling through a social media platform? Or should I try forgetting him?

Seeking your help and valuable suggestions.

-Yours Deadend Lover

Dear Deadend Lover,

You describe your problem as a tiny pin prick, but remember, that’s all it takes to burst the biggest balloon. In your case, it is all the pumped up feelings of young love. I’m guessing you are still in our teens since this dilemma arose during your +2. Sadly it has multiplied and divided the attention you should be giving to your studies. This was your first experience of the big, bad confusing world of man-woman relationships, so your misreading of the situation is understandable. But only up to a point. The key factor is that on your own admission he did not give you any real reason to think that he was equally besotted by you.

Look, if a guy is friendly, polite and ‘a gentleman’ only means that he’s decent, pleasant and well-brought up. Does a fellow have to be boorish with every girl he meets just so that he doesn’t give her the wrong idea? If that were so, social life would be unbearable. Shockingly rude, and serially offensive. How can we blame the poor unwitting ditcher for rejection when there was nothing to reject?

Where you cannot be excused in the slightest is your continuing your rona, when you should be dhona-ing your hands of this misadventure. I beg of you don’t make a bigger fool of yourself by conveying your feelings about him through a social media platform? Puh-lease, is this the avenue for something so personal?

What makes all your expectations almost absurd is that you yourself aren’t sure about the nature of your feelings. Maybe your wondering if it was a mere infatuation is a way of giving yourself a way out of this emotional rollercoaster. Even if your feelings for him were as genuine as it is possible for someone as innocent about life, it makes no difference. It’s a closed chapter.

Pull yourself out of this misery, because it’s only dragging you down and taking your self-worth with it. Instead put a brave face on it and put it into your experience folder. You have your whole life before you, plenty of time left for you even to make more mistakes. So that you get it right when the right guy comes along. Trust me, babe, no rush.

Ask your questions to Bachi

(Write Giving Gyan in the subject line of your email)



Views expressed above are the author’s own.


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