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Mayor Francis Suarez Inspires New “Dicknose” NFT

Miami Mayor Francis Suarez makes no secret of wanting his city to become the crypto and tech capital of the world. From Bitcoin wallets to non-fungible tokens (NFTs), Suarez has been hopping on every West Coast tech trend since late 2020, sometimes to the chagrin of his constituents, who’d prefer that headdress the affordable-housing crisis and rising tides.

Now, Suarez’s digital proclivities have inspired a new NFT, “America’s Crypto-Mayor Gets Dicknosed,” which was minted on the NFT marketplace OpenSea on Wednesday night by political stunt activist Chaz Stevens of Deerfield Beach. The token, an edition of one executed in a style reminiscent of a Shepard Fairey campaign poster, features an illustration of the mayor with a penis for a nose and text that reads, “Suarez: Dick Bush League.”

The minimum bid is 0.1 Wrapped Ethereum (WETH), or roughly $335. Bidding closes next Wednesday, January 19. Stevens hopes the mayor will buy the NFT as part of his push to bring tech talent to Miami.

“If he wants, I’ll even make the dick bigger,” Stevens tells New Times. He says he’ll donate the proceeds from the sale to Women in Distress of Broward County, a nonprofit that aims to stop domestic violence abuse through intervention, education, and advocacy.

Suarez caught Stevens’ ire last October when he saw a tweet from the independent news blog Because Miami alleging that the mayor spends $1 million in public money on private security: “@FrancisSuarez is the ONLY Miami mayor in history to have 24-hour-a-day, 7-day-a-week police protection at taxpayer cost of nearly $1 million annually.” 

This purported waste of taxpayer funds irked Stevens, who mulled over an appropriate response for several months before deciding on the dick nose NFT.

“Imagine how many meals $1 million would provide. How many little kids could go to bed with a full stomach, but instead this guy’s gotta drive around in an Escalade with a police escort? Give me a break,” Stevens says.

But that’s not the only belated holiday gift Suarez is getting from the self-proclaimed internet stunt activist.

Last month, Stevens sent a handful of mortar-sized butt plugs to “naughty” public officials. He tells New Times he’s sending Suarez his own special anal-sex toy, the design for which he unveiled on Twitter earlier this week. 

Suarez isn’t the only Miami official who can expect to receive a package from Stevens. This week Miami-Dade Police Department (MDPD) Director Alfredo “Freddy” Ramirez III should be looking out for his own “Douchie Award”: a box containing a trophy, two “thin blue line” flags, a literal bag of dicks, and an anal douching device.

click to enlarge Miami-Dade Police Director Alfredo "Freddy" Ramirez is the recipient of the inaugural Douchie Award. - PHOTO COURTESY OF CHAZ STEVENS

Miami-Dade Police Director Alfredo “Freddy” Ramirez is the recipient of the inaugural Douchie Award.

Photo courtesy of Chaz Stevens

Ramirez earned the award for not disciplining the officers who botched the investigation of the El Mula banquet hall shooting, which killed three people and injured 20 others last May.The Miami-Dade State Attorney’s Office dropped charges against the prime suspect last month because MDPD investigators continued to question him after he invoked his right to an attorney, thus violating his rights and invalidating the investigation.

“I realize policing is a dangerous job, more dangerous than mine, but we pour money and pensions and qualified immunity into police departments, and when they mess up nothing happens to them,” Stevens says. “What are you doing, Freddy? Hold these guys accountable. Tell them they’re off the force.”

The butt plug and Douchie Award will arrive at Suarez’s and Ramirez’s offices later this week.

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